The Internet According To Paul Markham

Recently Paul Markham, GFY's house troll, has been flooding the board again with one of his pet topics: Internet Regulation.

Paul started his business long before the internet when creating adult content still required a piece of broken pottery and a sharp nail. Because he managed to stay out of jail whilst the Spanish inquisition terrorized Europe, Paul has somehow convinced himself that censorship is harmless. And not just that. He's actually developed an infatuation for any kind of government intervention. Without it, we would all be spammers and murderers, Paul believes.

So, What should an internet according to Paul Markham look like?

• If you cant to make money online, you first need to apply for a special license. This involves taking mandatory classes, an eye exam, practical tests and being judged by a panel of government bureaucrats that couldn't code HTML if their lives depended on it.
• If you want to register a new domain and start a new site, you first have to apply for a building permit. It's like that in the real world, so why shouldn't the same rules apply to the internet? An application involves filling out tons of forms (in triplicate) and waiting for the right stamps and signatures. The whole process takes 3 to 15 months.
• If you violate the internet laws of Markham, a new supranational cross-border intern police devision will backtrace you and shut down everyone you have ever done business with (including your local bakery and coffee shop).

Somebody please buy the guy a new puzzle!

Related: Does Playboy suffer from PMS (Paul-Markham-Syndrome)?